Back, Homeless, And Looking Back

So, I’m back from my trip to the Primeval Woods of Northern Mississippi.

The trip was okay. It was good to see family and it was bad to see family. . .but then again, that’s how Greenville’s always been: never entirely good, never entirely bad.

One thing that I can say for certain about Greenville: it’s not home anymore.

But I knew that already. To be honest, the Sotto Voce Woods Of Western Arkansas have felt more like home since I started calling myself Pandemaelion, and I’m okay with that. I suppose that I will eventually find a place here in Seattle that I can make into a home for myself and daughter and (hopefully) wife, and I’m okay with that too.

I got to at least feel like I was talking to my grandmother, which was good. I’ve always told my grandmother everything, and been able to talk with her about anything; her death hasn’t ended that.

I did indeed get my wish for a thunderstorm; in fact, it rained every single day that I was there, and every day that I was in Memphis, and every single day since I got back here, and I’m about sick of the rain now. The sun appears to have come out now, though, so maybe my monsoon season is over now.

I said earlier that Greenville isn’t home anymore, and it isn’t. It’s where I came from, and always will be, and I’ll remember it in my own way (I know now that “remember where you came from” means different things to different people), but it’s not home and it’s not where I belong. For that matter, western Arkansas may not be where I belong, either. I only know of two places where I might possibly belong, and of them, one may not even exist (I’ve only seen it once, in a dream) and the other I can’t get to right now, and very possibly won’t ever get to be there. Maybe one day I’ll actually tell somebody what those places are, and they’ll help me find them. . .but not today.

So that’s me right now: homeless and looking for a place to belong.

SK